{Written from Bombay, July 15+, 1882. On May 31, 1882, Olcott and H.P.B. visited “Huddleston Gardens” in Madras, the future T.S. headquarters, down payment for which was made in early June.}
My dear Mr. Sinnett,
As K.H. just kindly flopped on my nose a whole Iliad to your address you will not care much to read my letter. Anyhow I have nothing good to say. My plans are burst. The “Old One” won’t let me go, doesn’t want me. Says all kind of “serenades”—bad times; the English will be behind me, (for they believe more in the Russians than in the brothers); their presence will prevent any Brother to come to me visibly and invisibly I can just as well see them from where I am; wanted here and elsewhere but not in Tibet, etc. etc. Well I can only beg pardon to have disturbed you and the rest. I had all ready, the whole itinerary was sent from Calcutta, M. gave me permission, and Deb was ready—Well you won’t prevent me from saying now at least from the bottom of my heart—damn my fate, I tell you death is preferable. Work, work, work and no thanks. I do not blame Mr. Hume—he is right. Well if I do feel crazy it is theirs not my fault—not poor M. or K.H.’s but theirs, of those heartless dried up big-bugs, and I must call them that if they had to pulverise me for this. What do I care now for life! Annihilation is 10,000 better. I leave Bombay for Madras for ever the Headquarters I mean in December if I live.
Yours,
H.P.B.